The Great or Not So Great Face to Face

I got up and got ready. The guy I was seeing texted me to let me know he was on his way to pick me up for lunch at my favorite cafe.

I got in his car and off we went. We parked and we walked over to the place. He held my hand and kissed me as we entered the place. We ordered our sandwiches and tea and sat at our table. I was so out of it that day since I was at a party the previous day. He was so sweet and nice as we talked about things like podcasts and how the party went. I got full fast so he helped me finish my food. I really liked him and I wished with all my heart things would go well. We got up and walked over to the car and we kissed as I thanked him for lunch. We split a piece of gum as soon as we got in the car so we wouldn’t smell like sandwich all day.

We headed over to his place to watch a movie and hang out. We got to his apartment and picked a movie. We set up the couch and began the movie. We actually watched the movie and kissed a bit during the movie. Things got intense as soon as the movie ended.

We cuddled in bed as we walked about ourselves and he would just look at me and smile and kiss me. I felt so happy and it was because of him. And I couldn’t say thank you enough. He even comforted me when my sexual insecurities would come up. He hugged me and kissed my forehead to make sure I felt okay. He got up to get himself and I a soda and took a break from just being in bed. When I needed some attention from him, he stopped eating and came over to me and said: “You are more important than pretzels and peanut butter.”

We got back into bed and watched some TV. We cuddled and kissed a bit more. Honestly, you know how you are in a good place and you think, God, it is going to hurt when it ends. This spot is amazing and I want to live in this spot forever. That moment happened when we were both in bed together, acting silly, laughing, kissing, telling each other stories about our lives, our dreams, and our goals. At this point in the night, we had been hanging out for like 10 hours.

I got a call that disrupted everything, from my parents, asking where I was. After the call, I got dressed and I apologized to him. I asked something that would trigger a whole conversation. I asked him if this was more than just physical. He said he wanted something more. And I smiled because that is what I wanted.

We got in the car and he began asking me what my plan was. I told him that in the next year, I would graduate from my university, get a job and gather money to at least move out into an apartment with friends. And he began getting frustrated. The whole car ride felt awful. Like my heart was being ripped to shreds.

He pulled over and told me he couldn’t wait a year for me. He said he wanted someone independent now. And I told him that if I mattered, he would wait. And he looked at me, with this sadness that he can’t. That he liked me but he couldn’t wait. We held hands so tight. He apologized that he couldn’t go on. We kissed one last time and I was crying. Hoping that he would see how my heart was breaking and reconsider. I kept saying “Please don’t go.” I told him how much it hurt, and he responded, “You don’t think this hurts me?” And the look on his face, broke my heart even more. For once, for the first time, I saw the toll it was taking on the person breaking up with me.  The look of sadness is forever burned on my brain. One of the last things he told me was “call me once you get out of the house.” And I cried even harder because I knew it was going to take forever to get out. We told each other good night and I got out of the car.

I crossed the street without looking because I wanted to get hit by a car to put me out of my misery. He built me up. He made me believe in myself. He knew how smart I was and kind and nice and loving. But it wasn’t enough for him. He was the best guy I have ever dated. He blew everyone out of the water. He put my standards even higher. I think that I will always be cheering him on. Thank you, you know who you are. Just know that I don’t think I’ll ever forget you.

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