What I Thought: Time Machine

Whenever I am sad, I always think about how I wish I could forward time and go to the part of my life where everything is okay and I have what I want. That I am married, living with my husband in our house and have a job that I like. But what crushes me the most is that what if I could see that part of my life but I can’t. Because it won’t ever happen.

Of course, I want it to happen but what if it doesn’t? What if I never find the guy of my dreams? What if I never get married? What if I never get a pretty house? What if I never land a job that I actually like? What if what I want just never happens?

This makes me cry hard to think that there is a huge possibility that it won’t happen.  Everyone says to me to not worry, that I will find the one soon. But what if I don’t? What if I never find him or what if he doesn’t exist? At this point, I should start looking at cats and look up names for them.

I want to see if I do get what I want because, at this point, it feels like it’s never going to happen since every guy I meet and I put myself in this position, all that happens is that I get hurt or dumped for being too nice. It just seems so hopeless.

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